To the Loss of Fear and Loathing of Baking Bread

Today I took a “quiet day” as someone referred to it for me. I woke up exhausted and quite frankly not feeling like I could mentally or physically deal with the day at work. Work has been challenging lately but every day I get up put my big girl panties on and get myself to work.  Except for today.  I couldn’t do it.  I can hear my girlfriend say “good for you” and “I am proud of you”.   So why exactly do I feel guilty for putting me first?  It’s really rather silly when you think about it.  Especially when I know I will be back at it tomorrow, putting in the usual 120 percent.  So that is the end of the guilt right there.

I made my favourite breakfast today (well minus the mimosa flight lol).  Poached eggs.  Made to perfection.  It doesn’t always happen that way,  but today was a good day when it came down to the eggs:  breakfast at 1:30 pm with two perfectly poached eggs on an English muffin.

Before breakfast I did one of my favourite newer rituals which is coffee in bed.   I find it extremely relaxing.   I think I started doing it on weekends during the last deployment as the house was just way too quiet and it helped me find my centre and gave me the energy to face the weekends alone while waiting for the deployment to end.   Now when I say I was alone, I was not really alone. The kids would come and go, and I always had a place for therapy but I was alone and without one of my “slippers” as a friend calls it.  My plus one: they guy who I have now been married to for 32 years and been with a handful of years longer.   I don’t want to call him my soul mate.  I am not sure what about that term doesn’t sit right. But, he is definitely my partner, my companion, my kindred spirit, the love of my life and the guy I will grow old(er) and grey(er) with.

While enjoying my coffee, I partook in the doom scroll. Except today, this time, I wasn’t taken down the slippery slope of doom. I found some wonderful stories about women who inspired me enough to get up, shower, eat and sit down here with you today. And to get over my fear of baking bread.

I truly don’t know what part of making bread scares me so much.  But I am now committed more than ever to trying again and that’s because today a woman named Hailey from upstate New York truly inspired me. She showed up on my feeds and now I follow her on Instagram and have just checked out her website.  Hailey says that the best piece of advice she ever received was “to be scared and do it anyway!”  And well, that sounds like pretty good advice for me when it comes to my utter fear of making bread.   It scares me, but I am going to do it anyway!  So thank you Hailey https://shelikesmilk.com/.

What inspired me on Instagram this morning is this farmstand she has created and all the baking she is selling on the side of a road. I got lost in her posts showcasing her scones and English muffins and some some gorgeous muffins (raspberry swirl sour cream muffin – still waiting for that recipe!). Everything she creates looks so amazing so I reached out about a recipe and she passed me onto her website with all of her recipes. I am blown away by the simple and pure recipes she has posted and so, I am going to give it a whirl “to be scared and do it anyways”, starting with scallion cheddar English muffins. Then I may move onto the 2 hr. artisan cinnamon raisin bread, a homemade Naan bread, before trying an eggnog churro waffle recipe that is a must try this Christmas.  

As you can see, I am using the word “bread” very loosely here, but that will come too. Today I feel the confidence to concur the fear as I start this “baking” era and share it with you.   Maybe I will learn to love the baking thing or maybe it will turn out that I am only a selective or artisan baker and you know what, that’s gonna be ok.   At least I am going to give it the good olde fashion college try.

Happy Bread Baking!